Failure is the one thing we want to teach our kids to avoid. Failing that test. Failing to make the team. Failing to handle your emotions. Fail, fail, fail. Chances are, our own impressions of failure definitely don’t bring rosy pictures to mind. Remember the time you didn’t get the job you wanted, didn’t get picked for the team, or even didn’t get that boy or girl to like you. We’ve all had experiences with failure and let’s face it, it brings up feelings of disappointment, sadness and sometimes regret. But if we’re honest with ourselves, the very things we failed at likely helped to bring us the success we have today. By not getting the job you really wanted, you probably got a job at another company that ultimately ended up being a better fit for you in some way. Didn’t get into the college of your dreams? That’s okay, because the college you went to was where you met your future husband or wife. The thing is, life throws us many curveballs but it’s how we handle them that ultimately determines our success. Sometimes even getting fired turns out to be the twist of fate needed to find your own path. Think of some of the biggest names who were fired, and then ultimately became extremely successful. Steve Jobs is but one of many.
What does this have to do with raising my kids, you might ask? Kids have countless opportunities to “fail” over their childhood, although we don’t see it that way. Kids inherently know to just keep trying over and over until they master something. Walking, talking, riding a bike, sharing their toys…the list goes on and on. No matter what, your child will fail at something. When that happens, help your child to reframe it in a positive light. Failure is not necessarily in itself a bad thing. It’s what we do with the message wrapped within the failure that counts. For example, if your child receives a poor grade on a test, you can help them to focus on the opportunity to learn the material better next time. In this sense, the failed test is providing important information on exactly where the child needs to focus their attention to be successful.
Providing your child with a blueprint for reframing failure in a positive light is an incredible gift. In time, your child will come to see failure as no big deal.